Overheard at the wildlife hospital front desk
- "I found this baby crow on the ground … it was so sad and alone except for every three hours when its parents came to feed it"
- "I found this hummingbird and did some research and ascertained that the best thing to feed it was this Gatorade energy gel"
- "I made a nest for it with my thong, it seemed like the most reasonable option"
- "Is it ok if my dog watches me hand you this bunny? He found it and is really attached and needs closure"
- Finder: “I found this bird three hours ago! We’ve been feeding it bread but it won’t eat”
Rehabber: *glances in cage*
Rehabber: “It’s been dead for like a day”
- "Here’s this baby otter. I found it six days ago but I kept it and cuddled it and fed it kitten formula until it was malnourished and I’m JUST NOW bringing it to you"
- "His name is Skye, will you please call him that?"
It’s nice working behind a “staff only” door if only to avoid interacting with these folks
Dear employers, I will have to take the day off today because:
☐ It’s December and the streets are papier-mached with wet bronze leaves and it’s so dark outside that the cars have their headlights on at 3pm
☐ I have recently been through a breakup, or I have been through a breakup at any time in my life really, and I woke up today with the absolute conviction that I will never be loved again
☐ A dog looked at me
☐ I got a text from someone for whom I feel a mix of concern and frustration and recognition and longing that is both more and less than romance
☐ Someone made a joke about dead pets meeting you in heaven
☐ Daylight savings time
☐ I passed a knot of flowers that were so bright they glowed through the dim grey water of the day and when was anything in my life last that luminous?
☐ Girls are too pretty
☐ For the first time I genuinely comprehend that there is not enough time to have all the lives I wanted
☐ I accidentally listened to Leonard Cohen"
My nose hairs burn from the bleach
I kind of love it
Stop eating that box
You’ll get impacted and die
Spit that out right now
I woke up at five
The lions slept all damn day
This is so unfair
I think that these shoes
are waterproof, so I’ll just-
Oh God, big…Number nine and ten, man.
"Nothing you show me
Can gross me out anymore;
My soul is long dead.”